What's in a name?

The news that we are in fact having a lil dude has hit home & I couldn't be happier that I don't have to worry about having two princesses fighting over the crown. I'm actually more excited than I could ever have imagined, but there is one snag...

I have no feelings on what his name will be.

There are tons that I like and a few that I absolutely adore but it is so different than naming a girl. With a girl, you can get super creative and downright girly if you wanted. This is so not the case for a boy. You want him to have a strong name but the shortened version can't be construed as girly or even weak. His initials can't spell out something obscene or maybe I am just too overtly picky.

I have overruled two of my husbands suggestions. Jr and Lucien. One, while having a Jr is great for whoever else, I want my child to have his own name. He is male after all and will be carrying on our last name anyway, why make it difficult? Two, Lucien, while the name is neat and the name of one of the Likens in Underworld, it just doesn't mesh with my name. I'm Karie White born on Halloween. This alone makes me a bar joke. But, hey, let's add a son Lucien to that and uh yeah, NO.

So, what's in a name?

We're also military and there are about 8 of us pregnant at the same time here. Most of us having boys. I know we won't be around these people forever but to name our son something that another couple is seems generic and lame to me. No matter how much I love the name. We had some good friends actually take our boy name when we found out we were having a girl & it really just pissed me off. It shouldn't but it does. A couple of the women here aren't telling the names and that is fine but they are due before me so what if they have picked the name I have and then I'll feel obligated to changing it. Yes, indeed, very silly. That's me though.

So, hoping we find a name soon & that no one else is choosing it...

A little catch-up...

As some may know, the hubs & I are expecting #2 in March. I went almost psychotic doing all the online gender predictors and had my mind made up that this baby was in fact another girl. All the symptoms are the same and EVERY and I mean every single old wives' tale, Chinese calendar, and numerous quizzes all pointed to pink.

Fast-forward to October 13th... My gender ultrasound appointment was at 11:15 so I promptly chugged a liter of Crystal Light on our way in. I was praying that we wouldn't have a long wait like we did with Ryleigh and luckily as soon as we signed in we were taken back. The tech was a bit bitchy when she realized I was only 18.5 weeks along. However, I didn't set the appointment her staff did so she went on doing her job but obviously annoyed. Anyway, she's scanning and taking all the pictures of the spine, chambers of the heart, etc.. You know, the essentials. Well, she gets close to being done with most and asks if we want to know the gender. Of course, you idiot, this is a gender u/s we're here for. Well, first the foot is in the way so she is trying to coax the baby into moving. Not working. She then tilts the table head down to where my head is about a foot from the ground because I'm 18.5 weeks blah blah. Uh, no.. it's because I have only gained 3lbs you moron. She finally gets to the important parts and says, "Well, its a little swollen so you can tell", and I said girl... and um NO... this is totally a lil dude, schmeckle and all.

Let me just say that I was shocked to say the least because my body, mind and everything else had said girl. I felt as if I was betrayed by my body for tricking me into feeling another girl. With Ryleigh, I just knew it was a girl with absolute certainty and I felt the same this time around. Was I now defective? How could I have been so wrong?

Of course, the hubs, who thought he was doomed to live in the estrogen zone, was through the roof with excitement. I can't blame him. Every man wants a son. I just never imagined myself having a boy. I left the room when we were finished to go pee as I was about to burst and held back the welling of the tears in my eyes best I could. Once in the stall, a few fell as I was sending my mass text message. I couldn't even put !!!'s after just the word... BOY.

So, just as to not ruin my husband's obvious delight and ecstatic-ness, I held back on the drive to take him back to work. Once he was clear out of sight, I lost it. Literally. If I didn't have to pee so ferociously on the way home, I would have pulled over. Once I got home and emptied my bladder yet again... I sat and cried. For a very long time.

I know now that I should've just been happy he was healthy and on track but at the time it felt awful. I also know now that the only reason I was even upset was because I was afraid that my husband would no longer treat our daughter the same. It was all because of how my dad favored my brother in any and everything. Once I came to this realization, I called my mom and she took it upon herself to talk to my dad. For the first time in a very long time, my dad and I talked about the issue and what we regretted. It felt almost surreal to have the worry and disappointment I had as a child completely melt away. It was pure relief. The fact is, we parent differently than our parents did and we would never or I would never allow it to happen to my kids.

What did you learn last year?

Life is always evolving and growing & I like to think I have my part in that. After some careful thought and consideration, I've come to a list of things I've learned over the last year.

I've learned that love and hate are the two most contagious diseases, and can have the most disgusting side affects.
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I've learned that I can't hold my liquor like I used to. Nor do I care to try to.
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I've learned that love and hate are the two most misunderstood and overused words.
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I've learned that those who claim to be independent the most, are usually the most dependent. Their only independence is from reality; therefore, they never see how dependent they truly are.
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I've learned that doing the right thing morally in a situation often leaves you open to other peoples narrative of that situation. Which can leave you unbelievably vulnerable.
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I've learned that I am more attractive than what I give myself credit for.
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I've learned that I need to bite my tongue more than I used to.
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I've learned that children are the best at judging peoples goodness. They can't help but do it. They haven't put that wall of confusion up yet.
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I've learned that no matter how many times you have heard a song, that you never really listened until it hits you in that certain mood.
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I've learned that love isn't that cliche line of 'something that comes back to you when you let it go if it's meant to be', but that love is something that would break you if you had to let go.
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I've learned that anger is an exercise in futility.
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I've learned that people who give dirty looks have dirty souls.
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I've learned that as eclectic as my taste in music is, there is still so much more out there that I know I will love.
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I've learned that, if in tune, you're intuition is somewhere around 95% correct. And the other 5% are just bad guesses usually formed while either in a tired, drunken, or paranoid state of mind.
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I've learned that your kids are going to grow up to be just like you, so stop being a prick.
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I've learned that the only competition that matters is with yourself and old ways of thinking/living/acting. Jealousy is not the platform in which to form goals upon.
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I've learned that I had no idea how prevalent police abuse is.
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I've learned that the morals of some people are incredibly low. So low, that it scares me to know that people like that aren't the bad guys in movies, but are your grandma's nurse, your kid's teacher, your favorite cable news host, or the police that are supposed to protect you.
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I've learned that dancing can be amazingly therapeutic.
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I've learned that the more mercy you beg for, the less you get. In fact, those who hold the mercy you crave are in that position for a reason, and it's usually low or zero morals that give them this power. That they even clutch to the mercy you and they both know is right is so incredibly disgusting, it scares me.
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I've learned that being honest with a significant other, or even someone you just dated a couple times goes a lot further than making up fights to move on quicker.
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I've learned that the quietest people are usually the ones who have the most moral baggage.
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I've learned that it's incredibly unfair to use 'life isn't fair' as justification for being a dick to someone. After all, the ONLY reason that 'life isn't fair' is because of dicks like that.
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I've learned that forgiveness is DIVINE, and blame is DEVILISH.
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I've learned that selfishness can run really, really, really, incredibly, amazingly , and unjustifiably deep.
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I've learned that hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.
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I've learned that when someone really wants just 1 person to know their qualities, that they usually possess them, and would go to any means to get it across. And those who trumpet it to everyone usually don't.
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I've learned that liars cheat, and cheaters lie. And neither have a spot on my list of friends.
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I've learned that the way people choose to act towards you is their problem, not yours. It's their morals that cause their useless and mindless disdain, not yours.
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I've learned that God speaks to us as individuals, not as a mass.
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I've leaned that those who claim to hate drama the most, usually are mired in it most often, and usually seek no way out.
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And finally, I've learned that your friends show their truest colors in your times of despair, not theirs. After all, despair is the bottom. And what you do while you are down there doesn't count against you. And what you have to do to climb up is what you have to do. It's what those who are at the top put themselves through to get a rope or ladder down to you that is the real litmus test.

What have you all learned this past year?

Things That Piss Me Off =]

This list might get really outrageous but know for certain that I'm not the only one =]

• Liars. No lie is okay even if you are lying to yourself.
• Cheaters.
  
• People who do not discipline their kids. I don't care if you spank or not... just do something.
• People who bitch about their kids & still don't discipline. Glutton for punishment? I think so.
• People who do not support the military. You don't have to support the war but you do have to support those who are doing what you won't.
  
• Laundry. If you have kids you know this is never ending.
• Seeing people who didn't talk to you in High School & now they want to know you.
  
• Ring, tag, camo or whatever else chasers.
  
• People who trash talk their spouses.
• Parents who don't interact with their kids because "they need a break".
• Shit talkers. If I hear you talking out of your ass I'll tell you to grow up in a heartbeat. I don't want to hear your apparent jealousy.
• People who won't admit we all judge people. Some just more harshly than others.
• One-uppers or those who always take your situation and make it theirs so you can have "common ground". This happened to me last week.
• Those who want pity-parties ALL OF THE TIME.
• Those who have to have a certain status symbol.
• Military wives who wear their husbands rank. Last time I checked, I didn't go to basic or to War! Or, military wives who ask your husbands rank before they ask your name.
• People who are unwilling to learn the native language of where they live. I wouldn't go to another country and expect to be catered to. No one asked me to go there.
• Fake people.
• People who don't stand up for themselves & then want to bitch endlessly about it.
• Hypochondriacs. Not the clinically diagnosed but the other kind.
• People who don't or never vote & then still bitch as if they did. Let's get it straight. If you didn't vote, you didn't use your voice so STFU.
• Those who drive slow in the fast lane or cut me off and slow down.
• Obama.
• Those who abuse prescriptions & then have the audacity to ask for yours. I've stopped talking to numerous people because of this.
• People who bitch & moan about their lives and NEVER do anything to change it.
• That parents will always parent you even in your 30's.
• People who were never allowed to fall & pick themselves back up again.
• Those who abuse government assistance be it unemployment or food stamps etc.
  
• People who blame McDonald's for making their kids heavy.
• Making fun of fat people .
  
• Making fun of the disabled.
• Finding a milk cup 3 days later.
• People who talk through movies.
• People who have no filter and wonder why they have no friends.
• Insensitivity.
• Adam Sandler movies that make me cry.
• People who talk about their perfect lives all the time. In fact, so much that you know they are full of shit.
• Those who update their status on FB for every minute thing that enters their minds.
• People who think & talk about how their child is so advanced etc yet you never ever see it. Grasp this: Every child develops at a different rate. Saying they are doing things they are not is setting them up for failure & your disappointment.
• When best friends lose touch because it becomes one sided.
• People who never accept the fact that their kid truly is an asshole & it isn't my kid.
• Those who assume that SAHM's do nothing all day or we are lazy or that is all we have going for us. It doesn't define me. My little princess definitely dominates my world but there are more things about me.
• Negative Nancy's. It's one thing to be pessimistic at certain times or events but all the time is freaking annoying.
• When my husband rearranges shit in my kitchen. You don't cook, love, so please stay the fuck out of there.
  
• When people don't seek help for issues.
  
• That instead of having a real, true mailbox we have banks of them at the end of our street which won't hold more than 3 letters at a time.
  
• Military housing lists. Average wait time 131 days my ass. I've been on that bitch since December. Count 'em up!
• Those who can't leave work at home.
• People who don't follow thru with anything.
• When my husband finds a new expensive hobby before thinking about other things we need first.

I'm sure I may add to this more in the future but for now it seems to be a ton. I'm thinking that in some instances or situations people may think of me as bitchy, and that's okay, just don't think that you are an exception to the rules. I do not tolerate assholes & my tolerance for bullshit is at an all time low.

I actually feel empowered now that I stand up for the shit that bugs me. I don't always say something but when I know it will still piss me off days later, it is in my best interest to lay it out there. I take all responsibility for my actions and only wish that others would do the same.

Is that too much to ask?