As some may know, the hubs & I are expecting #2 in March. I went almost psychotic doing all the online gender predictors and had my mind made up that this baby was in fact another girl. All the symptoms are the same and EVERY and I mean every single old wives' tale, Chinese calendar, and numerous quizzes all pointed to pink.
Fast-forward to October 13th... My gender ultrasound appointment was at 11:15 so I promptly chugged a liter of Crystal Light on our way in. I was praying that we wouldn't have a long wait like we did with Ryleigh and luckily as soon as we signed in we were taken back. The tech was a bit bitchy when she realized I was only 18.5 weeks along. However, I didn't set the appointment her staff did so she went on doing her job but obviously annoyed. Anyway, she's scanning and taking all the pictures of the spine, chambers of the heart, etc.. You know, the essentials. Well, she gets close to being done with most and asks if we want to know the gender. Of course, you idiot, this is a gender u/s we're here for. Well, first the foot is in the way so she is trying to coax the baby into moving. Not working. She then tilts the table head down to where my head is about a foot from the ground because I'm 18.5 weeks blah blah. Uh, no.. it's because I have only gained 3lbs you moron. She finally gets to the important parts and says, "Well, its a little swollen so you can tell", and I said girl... and um NO... this is totally a lil dude, schmeckle and all.
Let me just say that I was shocked to say the least because my body, mind and everything else had said girl. I felt as if I was betrayed by my body for tricking me into feeling another girl. With Ryleigh, I just knew it was a girl with absolute certainty and I felt the same this time around. Was I now defective? How could I have been so wrong?
Of course, the hubs, who thought he was doomed to live in the estrogen zone, was through the roof with excitement. I can't blame him. Every man wants a son. I just never imagined myself having a boy. I left the room when we were finished to go pee as I was about to burst and held back the welling of the tears in my eyes best I could. Once in the stall, a few fell as I was sending my mass text message. I couldn't even put !!!'s after just the word... BOY.
So, just as to not ruin my husband's obvious delight and ecstatic-ness, I held back on the drive to take him back to work. Once he was clear out of sight, I lost it. Literally. If I didn't have to pee so ferociously on the way home, I would have pulled over. Once I got home and emptied my bladder yet again... I sat and cried. For a very long time.
I know now that I should've just been happy he was healthy and on track but at the time it felt awful. I also know now that the only reason I was even upset was because I was afraid that my husband would no longer treat our daughter the same. It was all because of how my dad favored my brother in any and everything. Once I came to this realization, I called my mom and she took it upon herself to talk to my dad. For the first time in a very long time, my dad and I talked about the issue and what we regretted. It felt almost surreal to have the worry and disappointment I had as a child completely melt away. It was pure relief. The fact is, we parent differently than our parents did and we would never or I would never allow it to happen to my kids.
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